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Steve Bovée

Mysterious correspondence - continued

Dear Editar,

Hi! It's me again, Yours Truly, Gus! I haven't wrote for some while now, being as busy as a proverbial Beaver. I suppose you've been wondering with avid breath about the latest fate of Yours, Truly (me.) Well, I can tell you, life's been recently 'full of sound, and furry, told by an idiot' (Shakespeare.) As you will recall, I had a little tad of trouble finding meaningful employment for one of my standing, owing mostly to the dire straight of todays economy and also to certain lies spread about me by my probation officer and others of an equally hateful nurture. My wife even joshed that she would throw me out on my ears unless I 'snapped to' and 'towed the line'! She is a great josher.

Anyway, that is all in the passed now. Things are looking up rosy! True, I am not yet in posession of a lucrative-paying job, but I have been self-improving like mad. Specifically, over the Internet! It's like a prayer from above. Often, in the passed, I've met with discouragement owing to Flunking Grades. Now, however, though, I have discovered Auto-Didact U., located electronically in you're own home town of Bisbee, Az. USA. It's been simply the bee's pajamas. The price is right, and the coarses are as easy as all Get-Out, although challenging too, for mental develpoment. Remember that site, Auto-Didact U. Dot com. As a result of it's classes, I've earned several important degrees, including a P.H.D.! Each comes with an authentic certificate, suitable for hanging on the wall of your office and framing. Auto-Didact U. is credible and recognized throughout the entire world over. And I am a graduate. So therefore, then,--just a thought--if the Marquee needs a full or part-time Nucular Physisist, English Lit., Boilagist, or just want to chat about Philosphy ('I think, therefore I am'--Socrates)--just you holler. And don't think I forget my old freinds just because I'm now an Ivory Tower with advance degrees dripping out of my ears. I'm still a regular guy, like always.

Looking forward to a fruitfull & lucrative and professional business relationship,

Dr.--but you can still call me Mr. because we're old pals--Gus.

Dear Editar,

It's me again, Yours, Truly, Gus, and once more I take pen in hand again to pour out my heart in heartfelt correspondonce. Sadly, my heart today is sore within me with woe. I have suffered a renching disapointment, and my 'best laid plans of mice and men' (Shakespeare) have all come to greif. Alas, powerful emotions of sadness is a terrible thing to bare!

It is like this: I have been tricked. Like a dog. You will recall in you're memory that I was a recent graduate of Auto-Didact U., and the proud earner of many prestidgious degrees. Alack, I discovered it is all a viscous haox. There is no such thing as Auto-Didact U, the whole she-bang is the work of a phoney joker located electroniclly in you're home-town of Bisbee, Az. My degrees are not worth the sheeps skin they are printed on, and several weeks of hard laber are all for not. I'm now no longer a Nucular Physasist, English Lit., or anything else. I'm just plain Mr. Gus, Nobody. I am still realing. My wife was soar as a Wet Hen because I'd went and bought a bunch of busness cards and costly degree frames and furnature. Like it was all my fault.
Now she's mad as could be and I must sleep like a felen out in our car. Mr. Gus, the Big Dunse.

Well, that is my tale of greif, and I don't have the heavy heart to write any more. I hope I remain still you're freind even though I have reverted to a normal guy without advance degrees.

Plain Mr. Gus.

ps, I guess it all goes to prove, there is no 'free lunch' (Shakespeare.)

Dear Editar,

Hi, Ed! I'm just writing a quick jot to let you know my spirits are in much better spirits since I have last written, broken with woe. No more. I have become Philophical about my Lot in Life, my lost advance degrees, and all such. I just let it roll off my duck's back and face adversity with a hearty laugh. In short, I am again once more a 'jolly good fellow'.

Here's what happened to jolt me back to my happy go, lucky self: The other night I was beating a fellow up in a bar who had insulted my wife. (I asure you, the perpatraitor had amply provoked his fate. We were just sitting there innacently minding nobody's business.) Anyway I gave him a couple of quick jabs and then a monster right hook to the kisser which brought him moneing to his knees, and right then I had a a relevation. I mean it just came to me. And this is it: "Even though sometimes Life will deal you a Hard Blow from time to time, it usually doesn't bust out all you're front teeth." And you know, right away as soon as I had that thought I felt my spirits lift like anything! So I thought you might pass it along to you're readers who might need a ray of sunshine in there lives. I mean, the relevation, not the part about me beating the guy even though he deserved it, my probation officer won't like that.

And thats not all. I have got to admit that ever since I flatened that guy, my wife has been extremly extra-affectionate, if you know what I mean. She always admires me when I defend her honer. So things are raring in that field.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know all's a-OK with me again, and if the Marquee ever needs a janiter or anything, I'm game as soon as my knuckels heal up.

Yr. pal, Mr. Gus

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Steve Bovee is a regular contributor to the Marquee. He writes, paints, acts and whatever else in Bisbee. - ed